Category Archives: Surviving the first year

Most people, upon hearing of your loss, are themselves at a loss. They have no idea what the right thing to say is. If you’re among the thoughtfully enlightened, you may hear ‘I’m so sorry for your loss’. Nothing else is more healing than those few words spoken from the heart. Other people, when confrontedContinue reading “When people say the wrong thing”

What if… What if I had … What if I hadn’t … What if I had seen … What if I had known … What if I hadn’t let him drive? What if I hadn’t let him go to the lake? What if I had been more strict? What if I had listened better? WhatContinue reading “When the “what ifs” come”

Invariably the moment comes when you are at the grocery store or a restaurant or a meeting and you see someone you haven’t seen for a while who doesn’t know about the loss of your child. You exchange pleasantries in hopes that the conversation doesn’t ‘go there’. But it’s never that easy. She asks ‘HowContinue reading “Answering the hard questions”

In the first year after your loss, you will need to learn how to take care of this person you have become. It may be that whatever worked for you before still works for you now. Or you may need to approach your care and feeding anew. The important thing to remember is to takeContinue reading “Your physical health and spiritual well-being”

What do you keep, what do you give away and what do you do with the rest?  If you can, let time pass and healing begin before you make any decisions about your child’s belongings.  Early on, this task can be emotionally overwhelming.  Your grief colors everything now, including your judgment.  An item that mightContinue reading “Your child’s belongings”

Mason died right before Christmas. In a space of less than three weeks, we were to celebrate Christmas (our first grandchild’s first Christmas) and what would have been Mason’s 35th birthday. We had no time to prepare our hearts. I wrote to my son: Christmas in a few days and then your birthday.  It’s Rowan’sContinue reading “Celebrating the holidays”

Our kids became very close after our son’s death, bonded to each other in a way they had never been before. They were each other’s support system, sharing the loss of their brother as only siblings could.  My husband and I grieved together as only parents could. We were all doing our best to findContinue reading “Your relationship with your surviving children”

Marriages are at risk in the aftermath of a tragedy, especially after the tragic loss of a child.  It’s said that grief tears us apart with the reckless abandon of a tornado.  Sometimes there’s enough remaining to rebuild and sometimes the only thing you can do is to move on and start over.  My husbandContinue reading “Your marriage is vulnerable: take care”

Before your loss you probably looked forward with anticipation to the many holidays and causes for celebration throughout the year. Now you might be filled with dread at the thought of having to endure another event where you feel anything but celebratory. Everything is different now and you need to recognize that what you feelContinue reading “Getting through the challenges of the first long year”