When the “what ifs” come

What if…

What if I had …

What if I hadn’t …

What if I had seen …

What if I had known …

What if I hadn’t let him drive?

What if I hadn’t let him go to the lake?

What if I had been more strict?

What if I had listened better?

What if I had been there?

You can play this game for the rest of your life, but the truth is, you know what you know in any given moment, no more and no less, and guided by this knowledge you live your days with intention and integrity. It was so before your child died and it will always be so. What a different world it would be if we could see what’s around the next bend – a different world, but not necessarily a better one. Asking ‘what if’ does not bring insight or healing. It only serves to distract you from your grief by replacing it with regret.

The truth is, we have all suffered a tragic loss. The truth is, none of us could stop the loss from happening. The truth is, we will live with our loss for the rest of our lives. And I believe, the truth is, the outcome was never in our hands to begin with.

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